Fanfiction equals Reality
by RedKanary
Summary: Mello finds a manga at the library, and some of the characters look strangely familiar... Oneshot, pretty short, maybe slightly crackish but I think it's still in character.


**I don't really know when this idea came to me, but it did somewhere along the line and I've finally decided to write it up. Firstly, I would like to say that I'm not exactly a MelloxNear fan, and that's why they have already broken up. Not that I could exactly see them **_**ever**_** being together, but….**

**Anyway, I doubt this will make much sense, but I hope you like it anyway :)**

**If you've read my one of my other fanfics, **_**Break**_**, you'll probably be expecting something really depressing and are probably loading up on tissues if you know what's good for you.**

**That angsty mess was (hopefully) just a one-time thing, and most of my other fics will be a little more humorous and whatnot.**

**Also… **_**The Dark Half**_** by Stephen King is one of the best books I have ever read. You need to go buy yourself a copy or check it out of the library or something. "The george George Stark george starked over the starky stark." Best line in the book. King is a genius.**

**Oh, and just a warning, this is probably slightly crackish, but I tried to keep it as in-character as possible. **

"Matt, look at _this_." Mello ran over to his friend, who was about halfway through an old copy of _The Dark Half_. They'd only returned from the library an hour ago. Matt was a rather fast reader. Mello waited a few moments, and after Matt didn't say anything, Mello repeated himself.

"Let me finish this page. I'm just getting to the good part."

"You've read that book hundreds of times, Matt." Mello tore the paperback book out of the redhead's hands and tossed it behind him. Ignoring the look Matt gave him, Mello continued. "Matt… Matt, who does _this_ look like to you?" The blonde pointed to a blonde man on the cover of some manga. The figure had on leather pants and a vest, and was holding a bar of chocolate in a gloved hand. Though Matt wouldn't dare say this out loud in Mello's presence, Matt thought the man looked rather attractive.

"_Death Note_? Where'd you find this, Mells?"

Mello rolled his eyes. "Some guy ambushed me and told me he'd kill me if I didn't take this book. I got it at the _library_, you idiot. And that's not the point. Matt… Matt, does that guy look familiar to you? At all?"

Matt looked at the book cover, then at Mello, then back at the book. "Maybe a little bit…."

"_Matt_." Mello held the book up next to his face.

"Well, he, uh, _kinda _looks like _you_, I guess." Matt paused, waiting for Mello to say something. He didn't. "But you're, uh, way hotter."

Mello blushed. "Th-thanks…?" He wasn't used to hearing many compliments from the redhead. "A-anyway, I was reading some of this and it makes _no _sense."

"What do you mean? What happened?"

"Well, I kidnapped some police officer's daughter so I could get some notebook that kills people or something. And _this_ guy—" Mello pointed to a young man.

"Who the hell is Light Yagami?"

"Like I know." Mello closed the book and handed it to Matt. "What do you think it means?"

"You think it _means _something? I think it's just a bunch of crap. So what, if one of the characters happens to look like you. It doesn't _mean_ anything."

"That's just it, Matt. It's not just _me_. You're in this one. And look who's on the cover."

"That's… that's _Near_. That's you and Near."

"I _know_. Ugh, why the hell would Near and I be that _close_ to each other? That's… _gross_. We broke up a long time ago."

Matt's expression changed at the mention of Near's and Mello's prior relationship. Matt had been jealous of Near for a long time, not because of academics or rankings back at Wammy's or anything stupid, but simply because Near had dated Mello before Matt had gotten the chance.

"Matt? _Matt_?" Mello waved a hand in front of his friend's face, finally snapping him out of his self-induced trance. "Anyway, Matt… do you… do you think this is like, I don't know…"

"What?"

"Do you think this crap is all gonna happen?"

"What do you mean?"

"I…"

"I won't let you date Near again,"

"I _wasn't_ talking about that!" His now-angry expression then faded into a thoughtful one. "Is this some psychic reading or something? Some sick kind of joke?"

"How does it end?"

"What?"

"How does the story end?"

"You… you _die_, Matt. I do, too."

"We… when? At the same time?"

"No, I kidnap some other girl later—"

"_Mello_!" Matt shouted.

"What?"

"You told me you didn't like girls!" Matt's face was serious, but Mello knew his lover well enough to know he was making a joke, and a poor one at that.

"I don't, Matt. That's not the point, I didn't kidnap them for that. Anyway, I kidnap someone else and—well, you were helping me, and the police find you before me and they… they shoot you."

Matt, completely unaffected by the news of his own death, asked his friend, with some concern in his voice, "What happens to you?"

"While I'm on my bike, I have a heart attack."

Matt laughed. "Well, at least they got _that_ part right!"

"What are you talking about?"

"If you keep eating all that chocolate, you're going to have a heart attack sooner or later."

Mello clenched his fists, ready to pounce on Matt. "What the hell did you just—" Realizing Matt was only trying to distract him, he shook it off, then continued. "Matt… what if we do… you know, die?"

Matt shrugged. "It's gonna happen sooner or later, isn't it?"

"Matt, do you not understand this at _all_?"

The redhead sighed. "Mells, it's nothing to worry about, okay?"

"L dies."

"What?"

"L dies." Mello repeated.

"What do you mean? How?"

"He gets killed. It makes sense, doesn't it? I mean, we—the Wammy kids—were pretty much trained to become L in case something happened to him. It's not like he's gonna live forever, you know."

"Why are you freaking out about this? It's just some stupid fanfiction," Matt remarked.

"Well, yeah, but… Near lives."

"So?"

"So why does _he_ get to live and we _don't_?"

"Because whoever wrote that story had no taste in good characters?" Mello opened his mouth to say something, then changed his mind. The two sat in silence for a while before Matt continued, "Look, I just don't see why you're so paranoid about this. L's not going to die, you're not going to die, and I'm not going to die. And even if we do, it _definitely_ won't be at the hands of… what was his name?"

"Light Yagami?"

"Yeah, that one. I mean, have you _seen_ how he dresses? He's a wannabe model, _not_ a serial killer." Matt paused. "Alright?"

"Yeah, okay." Mello sighed.

"Good. You worry about enough things, I don't need you stressing out about this, either." Matt said, placing a kiss on Mello's forehead. "Besides, how stupid is the thought of killing people with a notebook?"

**This kind of reminds me from Montag's speech from the original **_**The Wizard of Gore**_**, from way back in 1970 (or 1968, whichever floats your boat). My favorite line in that speech, which I have memorized, by the way, has got to be "Are you **_**certain**_** you know what reality is?" **

**Well… **_**are**_** you?**

**If you haven't seen that movie, I suggest you go watch it. Like, now. The effects aren't perfect, and you probably haven't heard of most of the actors, but it's one of the best movies I've seen in a really long time. **

**The end. **

**Reviews make Mello less paranoid! :D**


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